insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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