Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
