its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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