it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
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As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Pants are for mortals
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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