Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
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God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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