i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
