they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
