it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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