Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
