And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
