I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he fucked my hip out of place.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
