I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
