I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
