So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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