We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
