K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
