sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
