I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The beer is more important than you right now.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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