There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
