Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
