she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
