Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
