I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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