Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I supernannyed him into submission
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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