so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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