Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
