It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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