sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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