An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We just shotgunned beers for America
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
