lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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