Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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