This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
The best revenge is premature balding
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
