just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
