consequently i now know what mace tastes like
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
