I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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