Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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