I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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