roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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