My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
