I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
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I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
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True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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