That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
