I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
