Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
