oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize