i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize