as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
