With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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