I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
