i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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