I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
