There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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