ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
