Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
