i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
