so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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