stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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