yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
