i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
