Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
