I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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