Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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