there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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