I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
