dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
