I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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