I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
