At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
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