I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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