My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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