You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
