you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
