I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
