the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
