you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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