is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
