What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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