it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
