she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
