If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
